Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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