I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
My bed smells like the plague
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
