Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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