just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
