I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
