You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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