My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
