No awkward lesbian experiences without me
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
