I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
