Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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