i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
