Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Randomize
