There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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