At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
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