I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
