so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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