He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize