And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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