I love black thongs
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
