I am in a vortex of obligation.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize