Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
