They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
