3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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