mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize