Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
