I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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