I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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