Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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