Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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