my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
