let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Randomize
