I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
