He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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