we should wear snuggies to the strip club
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
