I think i peed on brittanys purse
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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