his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
