elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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