whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
