I wish I only lived at night.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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