i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
my being single is dangerous.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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