I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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