My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
