yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
