the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
