I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
