Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
So many bounce houses so little time
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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