I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Say something about gay babies.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
