sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
