Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
