I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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