You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
