Apparently you make a good broom.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
