bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
