You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
