i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
