We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
vagina is talking i cant
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
