I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Randomize
