I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize