There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
