Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
