He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
