i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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